Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
