he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
