i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
