you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
