Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the condom got lost in my hair
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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