I puked a lego.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't notice because vodka
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
