So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize