this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hope mine doesn't look like that
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
