I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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