she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
