Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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