I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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