worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
