I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
