Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize