Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
