Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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