He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am naked and annoyed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
