piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
