I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would fuck him just for his dog
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
