Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
