By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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