why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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