Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
