I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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