He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
