If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
