oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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