96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
