toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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