the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
