I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
last night I used snow as a chaser
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
