some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize