We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
as a side note pls kill me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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