I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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