i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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