I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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