Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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