everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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