So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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