I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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