She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
