Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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