How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
