It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
