Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
