I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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