he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
