You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
