Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
