He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
