HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
