dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
