Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize