He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
