I hate all girls vehemently.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
