YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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