I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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