roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
