this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
