He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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