i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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