we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
