Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
