i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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