Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
