Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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