either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
