so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
