man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
